Almost ten years ago, I returned home from a mission trip to Romania with the conviction that I would one day adopt a child.

Along the way, God impressed the country and orphans of China upon my heart. And I would stare at photos of little Chinese girls on adoption websites, wondering what my one-day daughter might look like.

For 3 years, I prayed that the Lord would give my husband the same passion for adoption and the readiness to leap.

Almost 3 years ago, tears welled up as Scott told me he was ready to move forward.  I thanked God over and over again for answering my prayers.

On October 24, 2009, we were matched with this beautiful girl, Guan Xue Hua.

With that dimpled smile and sparkle in her eyes, she captured our hearts from halfway around the world.

And on April 12, 2010, Guan Xue Hua became our daughter, Virginia Grace Xue Brown. I will never forget those first moments of seeing her in person.  She was more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. And her fear gradually turned to trust over time. 

Grace, you are one of the greatest joys and blessings of my life.  Your personality can light up a room. Your affection stirs up love and gratitude in my heart.  Your stubborness tells of your strength and survival skills before you reached our arms. And   we simply couldn’t imagine our lives without you.

Happy Gotcha Day, Grace! We are forever changed because of you!

Most of these pics from Rock City were taken by Caroline (hence why I appear in so many of them).  She’s gaining some pretty good photography skills!

Some of the trails at Rock City are pretty narrow, as you can see in reference to my 4-year-old as he walked down these steps.

This was called “Fat Man’s Squeeze.”

I renamed it “Claustrophobic Pregnant Woman’s Nightmare.”

At the top of the mountain, you can see seven different states!

Aquarium Fun…

I thought I might be a dork for dressing the littles in fish and whale clothing for the aquarium, but apparently Stacey had the same idea was well.

Carter held Katie Beth’s hand the entire time we walked around.

Well…except for when he got a butterfly to land on his hand in the butterfly exhibit.

Katie Beth loved having Scott or myself hold her. Cuddling up in Scott’s lap during lunch, Carter wanted to be right beside her. What you can’t see in this photo is Grace standing on her chair yelling, “Daddy, I don’t want ‘Baby Beth’ in your lap! Put her down!!”

Here’s the view from the Incline Railway train. It’s the world’s steepest incline, and it was a little bit nervewracking!

At the Children’s Discovery Museum, they currently have a China exhibit.

Carter worked on rebuilding the Great Wall.

Grace ran toward the kitchen to cook up some authentic Chinese fare.

And Caroline gravitated toward this classroom setting that reminded her of her school in Nanning.

She settled into one of these desks to watch the video on the little TV straight ahead. What was humourous was that a couple of classes on field trips came walking by and stared at Caroline as if she were part of the exhibit!

She finally realized I was taking pictures of her.

Posing “in the streets” of her homeland.

In the meantime, Carter had joined Grace in the kitchen.  I won’t even tell you what all was in the pots and pans. Even though the “food” was pretend, I still get a little grossed out by the commons foods adored by the Chinese.  About as grossed out as Caroline gets about cheese.

And I’ll hopefully have pics up soon from our spring break trip to Chattanooga! (Or as the littles call it, “Chagganooga.”)

My sister, Courtney, is fabulous in the kitchen and is always discovering (and altering for the better) delicious recipes to cook and bake. Most recently, she shared a recipe for Marscarpone Chocolate Toffee Bars.

Marscarpone Toffee Bars

They. Are. Divine.  Scroll down for the recipe…..

My beautiful lil' sis

Courtney launched a new blog several months ago when they were renovating the foreclosure home they purchased in Forest Park.  Her indecisiveness (we share many wonderful qualites) over paint colors led to “The Perfect Grey” blog.  I find her posts humorous, inspiring, and entertaining. Enjoy!

Oh, and here’s a link to her old blog, Haute Home Cooking. Even though she hasn’t posted in months, there’s some good recipes on there to try.

P.S. I’ve been sitting out here on my patio with my laptop for a total of 15 minutes, and there is already a layer of yellow pollen on my keyboard and across my screen. Spring is definitely here!

Ingredients
• Vegetable cooking spray
• 1 pound refrigerated sugar cookie dough (recommended: Pillsbury)
• 4 (1.4-ounces) chocolate-toffee candy bars, coarsely chopped, divided (recommended: Skor or Heath)
• 1/2 teaspoon pure almond extract
• 1 cup semisweet chocolate chips (recommended: Ghirardelli)
• 1 teaspoon vegetable oil
• 1 cup (8 ounces) mascarpone cheese, at room temperature
• 1/4 cup sliced almonds, toasted * see Cook’s Note

Directions
1. Position an oven rack in the middle of the oven. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.
2. Spray a 9×9-inch nonstick baking pan with vegetable cooking spray. Lay a 13×13-inch piece of parchment paper (or non-stick aluminum foil) in the pan, allowing the excess paper to overhang the sides. Spray the parchment paper lightly with cooking spray.
3. In a medium bowl, combine the cookie dough, 1/2 of the chopped chocolate-toffee candy pieces and vanilla extract. Using damp fingers, gently press the dough into the prepared pan. Using the tines of a fork, prick the dough all over (otherwise it will puff up – it might do this a little anyway, don’t be alarmed!). Bake for 20-25 minutes until the crust is lightly browned. Cool for 15 minutes.
4. Place the chocolate chips and vegetable oil in a medium, microwave-safe bowl. Heat in the microwave for 45 seconds. Stir well. Continue heating for 15-second intervals until completely melted. Cool the chocolate mixture for 10 minutes. 5. Whisk in the mascarpone cheese until the mixture is smooth. Using a spatula, spread the chocolate mixture over the cooled crust. Sprinkle the remaining chocolate-toffee candy pieces and sliced almonds over the chocolate mixture.
6. Refrigerate for at least 2 hours until the chocolate layer is firm.
7. Peel off the parchment paper and cut into 1 1/2 by 2-inch bars. Serve at room temperature.
*Cook’s Note: To toast almonds, arrange in a single layer on a baking sheet. Bake in a preheated 350 degrees F oven for 5-8 minutes, until lightly browned.

26 weeks

Nursery pics and names to come soon… (and some self tanner for my legs)

and this:

I’m not sure how many inches she had cut off, but it was at least 6.  Doesn’t she look so grown up??

P.S. Can anyone with wordpress experience tell me why my photos won’t publish as centered even though that option is selected during the draft? They all post to the left side.

• Please do not tell a hormonal, emotional pregnant woman that you can’t believe she has 3 1/2 more months to go.  You would think this would be common sense. However, it apparently needs to be said since I received this comment a few times this last week. I can’t help that I’m petite and short-waisted and thus have a tummy that has nowhere to go but out.
• I realized the other day that Grace no longer calls Carter “guh guh,” the Chinese word for big brother.  She had called him this since coming home from China, and she has fully transitioned to calling him Carter now. In fact, when she’s really serious about something, she’ll call him Carter Brown.
• Carter has made dramatic strides since Christmas when he was only interested in gifts that were for him.  In the last month, he has enjoyed wrapping up different items and toys and presenting them as gifts to other people.  Last week on my birthday, he brought me a box with all kinds of things in there…including my wedding rings that had been on the dresser. Yikes! Just glad they got to me without falling in a crack somwhere! But his thoughtfulness and generosity have been so refreshing and touching.
• I’ve been traveling back to my childhood by listening to Whitney Houston’s Greastest Hits.  As I read online somewhere, she was “a staple in the soundtrack to my childhood.”  It’s amazing how many of her songs I still have memorized.  And I can clearly remember dancing around and singing her songs from age 7 and up.  Such pure talent!
• I really like the smell of Cascade Complete dishwashing detergent.  I have to literally stop myself from sniffing it as I pour it into the dishwasher.  I think I liked this smell when pregnant with Carter too.
• I just watched this past week’s episode of Parenthood.  And in one scene, 19-year-old Amber climbs into bed to be comforted by her mom, Sarah Braverman. For a few moments, I wondered whether Caroline would ever do that. Will we ever have that kind of intimacy? Will she ever let me comfort her and hold her in my arms? I don’t expect it soon. But it was a hard moment to ponder as I realized that we might not ever have that.  And I have to be okay with that, I guess.
• It’s been a really rough and emotional 2 weeks. On February 15th, my close friend learned at her routine 8 month appointment that her baby girl no longer had a heartbeat.  She had just felt her moving the day before. What followed were circumstances I can empathize with but cannot fully grasp….delivering her baby, holding her and then having to let her go, breaking the news to their two boys who so longed for a litlte sister, planning a memorial service, and making that first visit back to the cemetery.  While I know a few other women that this has happened to, she is the closest friend of them, and so I’m experiencing sadness and grief on a whole new level.  Many tears, countless prayers, and a general feeling of helplessness.  This has made me praise God more often for the movements in my belly. And I know I will have a difficult time putting my baby down when he/she arrives in June.
• I’ll be back soon….much to blog about this week.  I am thankful that the post about being honest regarding adoption touched so many of you. Your comments and emails assured me that sometimes it’s worth it to lay your life out there in hopes that it will help or encourage someone else.
• Oh, and a few people asked about the blogroll on my old blog. That blog is still up (www.scottkelleyandcarter.blogspot.com), so you can find the updated links to blogs there. This format doesn’t have a sidebar for a blogroll, so hopefully you can find the links you’re looking for on the old site.

“And to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory  in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever. Amen!”  Ephesians 3:20-21

“How did a girl from Oxford, AL end up here?” – It’s a question I often ask myself, whether speaking Thai in a Chiang Mai market, greeting women at a carepoint in Swaziland, or putting on my traditional punjabi suit before riding through Delhi traffic. My life looks very different than I ever could have dreamed it would, growing up in small town Alabama. Sometimes I still find it hard to believe that my husband and I are running our own international non-profit. When we aren’t working in our office in Maylene, AL, you can find us living and working in Thailand, India, or Africa.

Back when I was a student at Oxford High School, if you’d told me I would be comfortable half a world away in Africa I would have thought you’d lost your mind. A few years later, when I was struggling in Spanish classes at Auburn University, I would have laughed at the idea of learning Thai! But sometimes, things don’t go as we plan – and I am grateful for that! Every day that I get a chance to rescue innocent children from horrors like drug trafficking, sex trafficking, genocide and abuse, I am in awe that this is my job.

Through our work in third world countries, we are making a real difference. Little girls, who suffer in extreme poverty in Africa, are getting an opportunity for an education. Little boys, who would otherwise be forced to fight as child soldiers in Burma, are learning sustainable life-skills like gardening and raising livestock. Forgotten children, orphaned and abandoned in India, are being welcomed into loving homes. And it’s all happening because someone gave a few dollars to show they care.

If you’re reading this and wondering, “What does this have to do with me?” – well, I’m getting there. You see, today, February 2^nd, is the very first Alabama Gives Day. This is a day that is dedicated to the hundreds of participating non-profits in our wonderful state. Organizations like the Alabama Broadcasters Association are hoping to increase awareness and funding for non-profit organizations in Alabama. They’re also hoping to show their fellow Alabamians just how much good we can do if we all give a little!

I’m here to tell you that The Sound of Hope wouldn’t exist without a multitude of intelligent, compassionate, generous people from my Sweet Home Alabama. You see, I am who I am today because of the incredible people in this state who have impacted me throughout my whole life. It was my teachers at DeArmanville Jr. High School, Oxford High School, and Auburn University who equipped me with the knowledge and leadership abilities I needed to start my own non-profit organization. It’s the traits of integrity, honesty, compassion, and generosity that I learned from my family and my church that help the work we do succeed. It’s the poise and confidence that I gained from the Miss Alabama Program that makes me comfortable speaking to audiences of thousands about the children we serve. I could go on, listing all the organizations, jobs, and friends that have been apart of my life, but the bottom line is this – each and every person I have met along my journey has made me who I am today.

But Alabamians don’t just stop there – they are far too generous for that! I can’t even count the number of people around the state that have helped us get The Sound of Hope off the ground. My former first grade teacher used to donate $100 a month back when we were first getting started. Every time we get a donation in the mail from Alabama, I look at the name on the check and smile…because there is something special about people from my home state supporting what we do.

When people ask us how we’re so successful, my husband is quick to say, “We are only as successful as our donors are generous.” It’s the truth. That’s why on February 2^nd – Alabama Gives Day – I’m hoping you’ll give a tax-deductible donation to The Sound of Hope. We may just be from small town Alabama, but together, we can change the world!

Here’s a little something that will make your GIVING experience even sweeter! Not only will your donation rescue and care for children around the world, but you’ll have a chance to get something too!

Every person who donates at least $10 to The Sound of Hope through this link ( http://algives.razoo.com/story/Thesoundofhope ) on February 2^nd will be entered to win our Alabama Gives Day Prize Pack (valued at $50.00)

You can choose between an AUBURN Prize Pack…

(navy handwoven cotton scarf from Thailand + orange camel bone bangles from India + SOH American Apparel T -shirt)

or an ALABAMA Prize Pack!

(red handwoven cotton scarf from Thailand + elephant earrings from Thailand + SOH American Apparel T -shirt)

The winner will be announced on their blog Friday, February 3^rd.

It’s our way of saying THANK YOU FOR GIVING!

One of the jokes throughout the weekend, given that many popular adoption mom bloggers were there, was the info given that was “off the record.” Comments that could be shared in the company of other adoptive moms, but not comments you’d blog about. And on the way home, our van full of 6 mommas discussed the difficulty in being completely honest on the world wide web.  On one hand, you want to share the realities and challenges so that you don’t give others (particularly prospective or waiting adoptive parents) a false impression. But you also walk a very delicate line in protecting your children and their privacy.  So even adoptive moms find ourselves envying other families from the picture painted on a blog, only to perhaps discover that things aren’t as rosy as they appear.

We adoptive moms also fear sharing frustrations because we’re likely to get that response of “well you wanted this child, didn’t you??”  But parenting is challenging at times no matter how desperately you desired a baby or child.  I have tried to be transparent in my posts, particularly in our adoption of Caroline since there could be other moms pondering whether to adopt an older child.  I certainly don’t want to lead someone into such a big decision only to have their expectations crushed by hard realities once a child is home.  But there are some things I just can’t share on here. What I want you to know is that I am always completely honest and forthcoming in personal emails and conversations. So if you have questions or want to know more details, you are more than welcome to email me or ask me in person.

And now, in the spirit of openness, I will share my answer to a commonly asked question because this is something I would honestly answer Caroline down the road.  I received this question often this past weekend.  The question is whether I feel the same way toward Caroline as I do toward Carter and Grace. Another phrasing of the inquiry is if it’s harder to bond with an older child. The respective answers are no and yes.

Because I don’t have the physical bonding with Caroline that you naturally have with a baby or toddler, connections take longer. And because she’s not yet ready to let her emotional walls down, we rarely connect on a deep level. Not to say that my comments or notes to her don’t plant seeds deep in her soul…I hope they do and will bring forth healing and trust in time. But in conversation, there is not much intimacy from my 13-year-old.  Part of that is normal for a teenager. But the disadvantage is not having a foundation with her that stems from knowing her throughout her whole childhood.  So while I have love for her and sometimes feel an abundance of affection or tenderness,  I know we have a way to go to develop the same intense love I feel for Carter and Grace.  Older children have more baggage, more expectations, and the ability to hold grudges.  Add in their eye-rolling and aggravated glares, and you don’t exactly feel like you’re winning “Mom of the Year” despite all the sacrifices you’re making on their behalf.

With Grace, it was an instantaneous love.  She quickly bonded to me, wanted to be in my arms, and graced my cheeks with her sweet kisses morning after morning.  Because Carter had been going through a stage in which he was all about Daddy and not so much about Mommy, I treasured the fact that Grace needed me and wanted me.  Maybe that made my love conditional…I don’t know. But the reality was that Grace made it easy to love her.   This is not always the case for adoptive moms, just as moms will sometimes share that the arrival of their 2nd biological child brought a discrepancy in emotions.  So if you’ve recently adopted and don’t yet feel a strong bond to him or her, or if you’re beating yourself up because you still feel like you love your biological kids more, allow yourself some grace and some time.  The bonding develops and the love grows.  For Caroline and myself, we have a long road to travel.  I doubt she would tell you right now that she loves me.  But a great sign of hope came Sunday when I arrived home from the retreat. She walked toward me to hug me and said, “Mommy! I missed you.”  This was HUGE coming from her, and I was thrilled that she felt willing to share that.  While our love is growing for each other, we share many fun moments and times of enjoying each other’s company.  And for now, I’m grateful for the steps forward we’ve made.

Adoption is making a choice to love a child (and even all the unlovable qualities that might come with them!) even when you don’t feel your heart bursting.  I’ve learned more about Christ’s love in the past few months than I’ve ever known before.  I truly understand unconditional love (but struggle with it) and pray daily for God to fill me with it so I can pour out to all three of my children.  But when the emotion and power of love isn’t flowing through your veins, it’s hard. I get it.  Don’t get too discouraged.  Know that thousands of moms have experienced this same journey.  And we’re all in this together.  Be honest with yourself in how you’re feeling. And since we don’t always feel comfortable being so honest on our blogs, at least find a friend or fellow mom to share with. I hope you will feel validated and encouraged.

P.S. On a funny note regarding (un)conditional love, Carter came to me this morning with a huge hug and the statement, “You’re the best mom ever!”  My heart melted as he pressed his cheek to mine. I should have let the moment pass with bliss, but I had to inquire, “Awe, thanks honey! Why do you say that?”  Carter replied, “Because I asked for more animal crackers and you gave them to me.”  I sighed and explained that even when I don’t give him what he wants, I still love him and do this in his best interest.  So even then, he should still think of me as the “best mom ever.”  I don’t think he bought it.