Gazing Upward

October27th

5 Comments

Well hello! Were you wondering if I’d ever come back? Me too. This fall has been a whirlwind and I’m learning during this season more than ever that time is not my time.

I probably have four draft posts that have been in the works for weeks.  So I thought I’d do an overall update and then finish the other specific posts soon. Here’s a little summary of what’s been going on in our family this fall…

Caroline

Caroline is enjoying the 6th grade and has adjusted well to the middle school.  She absolutely loves band and practices her flute for long periods each evening.  She takes tennis lessons once a week, and dance classes 3x/week. She has really taken to dance (which thrills me given that I’m a former dancer and dance teacher) and plans to audition in February for the dance team.  She has a lot of work to do, but she has shown incredible improvement and talent in the last three months.  I had a strange moment this week as I was sewing elastics onto her new ballet shoes.  I remember my own mother doing this for me for years. And now I’m in that place. I’m a “dance mom.” I don’t feel old enough (or far enough removed, I suppose) to be doing these things!

While many middle-schoolers begin separating themselves from their parents, Caroline has actually opened up to us even more.  She loves sharing stories and news from school, discussing the latest book she has read, and expressing her opinions. Okay, so maybe that last part isn’t exactly new.  We’re already entering the phase of teen drama, as a sweet boy asked her to dance at their 6th grade party, and Caroline went to hide in the girls’ bathroom!  She didn’t want anyone to think they were boyfriend/girlfriend. Ha! Then a few weeks later, he had a friend ask her if she would “go with him.”  Isn’t it humorous (and sometimes painful too) to recall those awkward middle school days of crushes, unrequited love, and dismay at being pursued when you don’t want to be? LOL

Finally, Caroline recently reconnected with a girl from her orphanage who was adopted three years ago. The girl lives in Indiana and plays the flute as well! They have been cute emailing back and forth and skyping. One night, they even played the same song on the flute simultaneously via skype. They’re already planning trips to visit each other. What a unique and special bond to have experienced life in China together as orphans and then to have both been adopted by American families.

Carter

In the last few months, Carter seems to have matured considerably. I so enjoy our little conversations. He loves to have me read to him, his favorite books being chapter books. And thankfully, he has NOT outgrown cuddling. In fact, he seems to like sitting in my lap or snuggling more than ever before.

At school, Carter has learned to write his name. I know almost every person accomplishes this at some point, but it is truly incredible when you’ve witnessed a child develop from a helpless infant to a kid who can speak, articulate ideas, and write letters.

Both he and Grace are playing soccer this fall, and he’s scored several goals (despite the fact that he’s stolen the ball from his teammate a couple of times.) He’s still learning the rules of the game. 🙂 Star Wars continues to be a major interest, and I love catching him when he’s acting out battle scenes. This morning, I heard him say, “Don’t forget your training!”

Of all our kids, Carter currently has the best understanding of God and Jesus.  His questions are deep, his prayers are genuine, and he claims he’s loving God more everyday… because as he recently stated to Grace, “God does everything for us.” Two of my favorite conversations lately….

Carter: “Mom, Grace was being really mean outside. So I prayed that Jesus would help me so I wouldn’t hit her.”

I had a hard time not laughing but was also so proud that he is understanding the many ways that Jesus can help and empower us.

Carter (emerging from my bedroom): “Mom, I was in your room praying several times.”

Me: “Well what were you praying about?”

Carter: “I prayed that God would help me behave.” (then giggling) “I also prayed for something that I know God won’t do. I prayed that He would give me $5,000…tomorrow!”

Well at least he knows God doesn’t answer those types of “gimme” prayers! 🙂

Grace

My sassy princess has been going through a tough time.  She never really had the terrible 2’s, so I suppose the 3’s are her time to test boundaries.  She’s rebellious, mischevious, disobedient, loud, and very needy.  She’s dealing with the normal emotions of having a new sibling. She also continues to process through her roots and background. Here’s the conversation we had this past week:

Grace (out of the blue): “I want to go to my China.”

Me: “Why?”

Grace: “I want to see my China mommy and live in her tummy. I never got to hug her goodbye.”

Me: “Oh honey, I bet your China mommy gave you lots of sweet hugs and kisses before she had to say goodbye.”

Grace: “Do you think I ate her tummy?” (She refers to breastfeeding as “eating one’s tummy” and is constantly interested when I’m nursing Maryn.)

Me: “I don’t know, but I think probably so.”

Grace (walking into my arms): “I want to eat from your tummy. I want to be in YOUR belly. Like Maryn. And like Carter. Why were Carter and me not in your belly together?”

She recognizes the intimacy of nursing and struggles with the idea that she didn’t grow in my belly. While we’ve talked about China and her China mommy ever since we brought Grace home, she is now beginning to truly process her adoption and all that it means. I know we have some difficult questions and conversations ahead of us. It just hurt my heart to see her so sad.  My mom suggested rocking her and letting her drink a bottle or sippy cup in my lap just as I feed Maryn so that she can have this same experience of intimacy that she seems to be craving.

Grace’s favorite thing to do is to sing. And she sings all. the. time.  She especially loves making up her own lyrics. And sometimes they’re pretty funny. Maybe we have a songwriter in the making!

Maryn

Our little one is quite the chunk! At 4 1/2 months, she is a whopping 17 lb 10 oz, placing her above the 95 percentile! And this is with me exclusively nursing her and not giving any baby foods yet. She is incredibly laid-back and happy, rolling with the crazy schedule we keep and smiling at every opportunity.  She lights up when her siblings appear.

Over the last couple of weeks, we’ve had a little roadblock. She began having loose stools that eventually turned green and mucousy before evolving into complete diarrhea. As in, it just wets the diaper. Sorry for the TMI, but I want to help anyone else who might be experiencing the same symptoms. After a few days of these diapers, bright red blood appeared in her stools. With research and a visit to the pediatrician, the diagnosis is food allergies coming through my milk.  So the current plan is to cut all dairy and soy from my diet, which is already gluten-free.

Let me tell you…cutting dairy is easy. I’m familiar with dairy-free products because of Carter’s allergies. But EVERYTHING contains soy. And you can find foods that eliminate two of the three allergens mentioned above, but it’s pretty difficult to find ones that eliminate all three!  I’m already starving because I’m nursing, and now I’m very limited in what I can eat.  No more Pumpkin Spice Lattes. No more cheese.  No more casserole or baked goods. No more steaks or hamburgers. (I can’t have beef either.) No more diet coke. (Yep, did you know many sodas have soy in them???)

I use coconut milk creamer in my coffee, and I’ve eaten a ton of veggies, meat, and hummus. I’ve even discovered SO Delicious’ Amaretto Cherry coconut milk ice cream and Chocolate Almond Milk for sweet treats. But it’s almost impossible to eat out anymore. I am dreading the upcoming holiday parties.  The alternative is to stop breastfeeding and to put Maryn on formula. However, the only option is a prescription-only formula of amino acids, and it costs around $800/month (IF insurance pays 50%).  I’m committed to nursing Maryn until 12 months, but I’ve been having a really hard time depriving myself. That’s why I’ve never been good at diets. I don’t have willpower when it comes to food. I’m a foodie and I enjoy it all! I’ve been surprised by how emotional I’ve been about my inability to endulge in foods I love.  Food has controlled me a lot more than I ever realized. And I’m truly learning the meaning of sacrifice.

Despite cutting out dairy and soy (and also wheat) for 2 weeks, Maryn’s stools have not returned to normal. The next step might be to eliminate eggs and nuts. Surely the upside of all this is that I’ll lose weight, right??? 🙂

More details to come on Maryn in her monthly updates.

Other News

On October 2nd, we lost my grandmother (my dad’s mom). Mimi was 89 and suffering from throat cancer and other ailments. When hospice came in, she was at peace and passed away with a sweet smile on her face. However, it’s never easy to say goodbye to a loved one, no matter how long they lived or how great a life they had.

Now I could say that the school year has kicked off without a hitch and that I have it all together. But that would be a big fat lie.  Being a mom of four makes me feel like my world has been turned upside down.  We limit each of our kids to 1-2 activities (one sport/one arts pursuit), but our days still end up chaotic with carpool lines, lessons, help on homework,  meals, and nursing a baby.  I don’t find all our days stressful or overwhelming…they’re just BUSY.  I feel like I don’t stop, and I’m continually reviewing in my head items that need to be taken care of.  Thankfully, I’m very organized by nature, so my planner helps tremendously. But it’s still a tough season of life, particularly having such a large age span between Caroline and Maryn.  When you have little ones, you are often home for the afternoon and evening. With a teenager, the busyness is just beginning at 3 pm.  There’s got to be a way to simplify life more without depriving my kids of opportunities to pursue interests. Any advice from moms who’ve been there, done that?

A high school friend, who is also a mother of four, told me this week that she gets up at 4:45 am simply to stay ahead of her kids and have some “me” time before the day gets busy.  I’m working my way backward (maybe to 5:30 am) because I think I would feel much less rushed going into the day if I have my coffee, quiet time, and an uninterrupted conversation with Scott before diving into daily responsibilities.

Overall, our family is in a good place. We’re “stable” for the first time in years, meaning we’re not pursuing another adoption or managing a pregnancy. When the six of us are together, it just feels right. Like our family is complete. Only God knows if it is or not, but I’m enjoying the memories we’re making. Like spending time in beautiful Maggie Valley, NC last weekend for my cousin’s wedding.

My grandmother, MaMa, with some of her great-grandchildren and grandson Mike (the groom).

We rented a cabin with my parents and my sister and brother-in-law. And we were pleasantly surprised to have this incredible view from the deck.  Oh how the mountains soothe mine and Scott’s souls!

Happy fall!

5 Comments

  • Comment by Christina — October 27, 2012 @ 5:46 pm

    Hi, I’ve enjoyed your blog for a while. Just wanted to tell you my experience with my oldest daughter(now 5) and the bloody stools- it sounds exactly like what you are going through. When she was about 2-3 months old she had green, mucuosy, blood streaked loose stools that would shoot up her back with every poop. Our pediatrician wanted to put her on that $$$ special formula but I was very committed to breastfeeding and did not want to do that. So I cut out everything from my diet as well…it was exhausting. But her stools continued to be bloody. Meanwhile she kept growing like a champ. We had her tested for allergies (blood tests)- this showed nothing. We finally went to an allergist who told me to eat what I wanted, keep breastfeeding and not worry about it. He said you have to look at the big picture and a happy growing baby who is thriving is the big picture. He said that breastfeeding is absolutely the most protective thing you can do to prevent allergies- that there is little evidence that eliminating foods from mom’s diet does anything. So I stopped the diet, kept breastfeeding (until she was 2.5) and after a couple months her stools were totally normal and she’s never had a single bowel issue since. She does not have any allergies either. So that is my unsolicited advice for the day 🙂 every situation is different of course- but your situation sounds really similar and sometimes the docs have to go by the book so they wont tell you all this. My husband is a pediatrician so this isn’t totally off the wall. Just food for thought for you. Email me if you need any more info! Your kids are beautiful BTW- finding your blog way back with Grace’s adoption was one of the factors that led me to look more seriously at China’s SN program- and now our lovely daughter has been home almost 6 months.

  • Comment by Melissa — October 27, 2012 @ 7:39 pm

    Oh my, Kelley! Caroline looks SO MUCH like you in that band picture! The posture and the big, sweet smile! I love that little girl!!

    I am thankful for the above comment. I hope that you can find some relief…I’m heading to an integrative doctor this week and I’m so nervous about what she’s going to tell me cut out of my diet. I hope that what Christina says is also true for you and maybe, just maybe you could start eating some other stuff. Ugh. I know you have to be miserable. Praying for you friend.

  • Comment by Anne — October 28, 2012 @ 10:13 pm

    Why not nurse Grace just so she could have the experience? She is only 3, it would be different if she were 6 or older. Just a thought.

  • Comment by Cat Moore — October 30, 2012 @ 8:17 pm

    This post made me cry. So sweet. I’m happy that you’re all settling well. I really want to meet soon! Want to hug your neck and maybe get some reassurance and prayers. Today was a little hard, but God is so good. I hope you’re getting plenty of rest. What a wonderful mommy you are! Lots of love and blessings! –cat moore (www.catdmoore.com) OH! And I keep forgetting to tell you…..Joy Jonas and I met recently and instantly became BFF’s. 😉 So cool that she was able to be there on Grace’s gotcha day!

  • Comment by Emily Jones — November 5, 2012 @ 10:25 am

    I’ve missed your blog! Love the updates on everyone and everything going on with yall! The sacrifice your making for Mayrn sounds so tough! I am not good at depriving myself either! I hope you can figure out what her allergies are and maybe you can add back the stuff that’s not a problem! I have a fantastic chiropractor who is very educated in nutrition. He can do nutritional response testing for allergies and all kinds of things – might help you figure out what’s bothering her and what you can do to help! He’s on Greensprings – Dr. Bob Apol. http://www.drbobapol.com/ He works a lot with babies and kids!

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

RSS