It was close to 6 pm. I was working feverishly to get a marketing proposal out to one of my sales reps at Cooking Light magazine, and I was running late for a community volunteer meeting. As I jumped into my car, I looked at my Bible which had not yet been opened that day. Feeling overwhelmed, I thought to myself, “I can’t wait to be a stay-at-home mom and have my life worry-free and under control.”
I am not exactly sure how I conjured up that expectation of motherhood, but I do know it is far removed from my current experiences. I may not have projects weighing on me that could affect a company’s bottom line, but I have a son who depends on me for sustenance and growth. Instead of filling up my calendar with meetings and deadlines, I pencil in lunch dates and playgroups and pediatric visits. Similar to my former daily routine of staying busy and connected through business emails and conference calls, I try to keep family updated on Carter’s progress and find myself feeling “behind” if I am not up to speed on everyone’s blog! And while I do indeed find more sweet moments to spend with the Lord now that I am a mom, I still haven’t quite found that long frame of time that I somehow thought I’d have to do intensive bible studying and praying. I still feel compelled to organize my days through to-do lists so that I can mark things out and feel productive. I often even include “eat lunch” or “shower” just so I can cross it out and feel like I got something accomplished. (Well, let’s be honest…getting a shower in when you have a baby IS an accomplishment!)
The recurring refrain over the last few months has been, “After this week, it will slow down.” I keep anticipating an uneventful, perhaps boring, week. With this prospective existence forever seeming out of reach, I asked myself, what does a simple life look like? What would my days entail? Is it staying home all day with Carter, not having any place to be or any things to do? No family to visit, no friends to fellowship with, no activities to engage in, no challenges to tackle? Will I find perfect time with the Lord then?
Reading a devotional called Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, I found this entry for April 1st, and it resonated so deeply that I have to share:
“I am calling you to a life of constant communion with Me. Basic training includes learning to live above your circumstances, even while interacting on that cluttered plane of life. You yearn for a simplified lifestyle, so that your communication with Me can be uninterrupted. But I challenge you to relinquish the fantasy of an uncluttered world. Accept each day just as it comes, and find Me in the midst of it all.”
Isn’t this true? My idea of a stress-free, uncluttered, completely simple life is a fantasy. And God WANTS me to interact, to fellowship, to encourage, to teach, to share, to learn, to balance. He doesn’t desire for me to find Him in a day characterized by complacency or idleness but through each and every moment, whether rushed or carefree.
Life with children is only going to get busier, but as Young wrote in the voice of Jesus, “A successful day is one in which you have stayed in touch with Me, even if many things remain undone at the end of the day.”