Gazing Upward -

February2nd

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The Sound of Hope

Posted in: Adoption and Orphan Care

Today is Alabama Gives Day! And I know you’re probably feeling torn between all the non-profits in our state that you’d like to support. But if you don’t have one in mind, let me share with you about an incredible ministry run by our friends Ericka and Rusty Jackson. Sharing my passion for orphans and orphan care, they are touching and improving lives in numerous countries around the world. Their work is incredible but wouldn’t be possible without the support of donors who share their same vision. Here is some information straight from Ericka so you can hear her heart and plans for their non-profit, The Sound of Hope.

“How did a girl from Oxford, AL end up here?” – It’s a question I often ask myself, whether speaking Thai in a Chiang Mai market, greeting women at a carepoint in Swaziland, or putting on my traditional punjabi suit before riding through Delhi traffic. My life looks very different than I ever could have dreamed it would, growing up in small town Alabama. Sometimes I still find it hard to believe that my husband and I are running our own international non-profit. When we aren’t working in our office in Maylene, AL, you can find us living and working in Thailand, India, or Africa.

Back when I was a student at Oxford High School, if you’d told me I would be comfortable half a world away in Africa I would have thought you’d lost your mind. A few years later, when I was struggling in Spanish classes at Auburn University, I would have laughed at the idea of learning Thai! But sometimes, things don’t go as we plan – and I am grateful for that! Every day that I get a chance to rescue innocent children from horrors like drug trafficking, sex trafficking, genocide and abuse, I am in awe that this is my job.

Through our work in third world countries, we are making a real difference. Little girls, who suffer in extreme poverty in Africa, are getting an opportunity for an education. Little boys, who would otherwise be forced to fight as child soldiers in Burma, are learning sustainable life-skills like gardening and raising livestock. Forgotten children, orphaned and abandoned in India, are being welcomed into loving homes. And it’s all happening because someone gave a few dollars to show they care.

If you’re reading this and wondering, “What does this have to do with me?” – well, I’m getting there. You see, today, February 2^nd, is the very first Alabama Gives Day. This is a day that is dedicated to the hundreds of participating non-profits in our wonderful state. Organizations like the Alabama Broadcasters Association are hoping to increase awareness and funding for non-profit organizations in Alabama. They’re also hoping to show their fellow Alabamians just how much good we can do if we all give a little!

I’m here to tell you that The Sound of Hope wouldn’t exist without a multitude of intelligent, compassionate, generous people from my Sweet Home Alabama. You see, I am who I am today because of the incredible people in this state who have impacted me throughout my whole life. It was my teachers at DeArmanville Jr. High School, Oxford High School, and Auburn University who equipped me with the knowledge and leadership abilities I needed to start my own non-profit organization. It’s the traits of integrity, honesty, compassion, and generosity that I learned from my family and my church that help the work we do succeed. It’s the poise and confidence that I gained from the Miss Alabama Program that makes me comfortable speaking to audiences of thousands about the children we serve. I could go on, listing all the organizations, jobs, and friends that have been apart of my life, but the bottom line is this – each and every person I have met along my journey has made me who I am today.

But Alabamians don’t just stop there – they are far too generous for that! I can’t even count the number of people around the state that have helped us get The Sound of Hope off the ground. My former first grade teacher used to donate $100 a month back when we were first getting started. Every time we get a donation in the mail from Alabama, I look at the name on the check and smile…because there is something special about people from my home state supporting what we do.

When people ask us how we’re so successful, my husband is quick to say, “We are only as successful as our donors are generous.” It’s the truth. That’s why on February 2^nd – Alabama Gives Day – I’m hoping you’ll give a tax-deductible donation to The Sound of Hope. We may just be from small town Alabama, but together, we can change the world!

Here’s a little something that will make your GIVING experience even sweeter! Not only will your donation rescue and care for children around the world, but you’ll have a chance to get something too!

Every person who donates at least $10 to The Sound of Hope through this link ( http://algives.razoo.com/story/Thesoundofhope ) on February 2^nd will be entered to win our Alabama Gives Day Prize Pack (valued at $50.00)

You can choose between an AUBURN Prize Pack…

(navy handwoven cotton scarf from Thailand + orange camel bone bangles from India + SOH American Apparel T -shirt)

or an ALABAMA Prize Pack!

(red handwoven cotton scarf from Thailand + elephant earrings from Thailand + SOH American Apparel T -shirt)

The winner will be announced on their blog Friday, February 3^rd.

It’s our way of saying THANK YOU FOR GIVING!
January31st

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How Honest Can an Adoption Blog Be?

Posted in: Adoption and Orphan Care, Motherhood and Parenting

After spending a weekend at Lake Lanier Lodge in Georgia, with 433 adoptive moms, I feel refreshed. The 2nd Created for Care conference/retreat (started and run by my dear friend Andrea) not only offered spiritual encouragement and rest, but the session speakers also provided some great insight and practical tips for parenting both biological and adopted kids.

One of the jokes throughout the weekend, given that many popular adoption mom bloggers were there, was the info given that was “off the record.” Comments that could be shared in the company of other adoptive moms, but not comments you’d blog about. And on the way home, our van full of 6 mommas discussed the difficulty in being completely honest on the world wide web. On one hand, you want to share the realities and challenges so that you don’t give others (particularly prospective or waiting adoptive parents) a false impression. But you also walk a very delicate line in protecting your children and their privacy. So even adoptive moms find ourselves envying other families from the picture painted on a blog, only to perhaps discover that things aren’t as rosy as they appear.

We adoptive moms also fear sharing frustrations because we’re likely to get that response of “well you wanted this child, didn’t you??” But parenting is challenging at times no matter how desperately you desired a baby or child. I have tried to be transparent in my posts, particularly in our adoption of Caroline since there could be other moms pondering whether to adopt an older child. I certainly don’t want to lead someone into such a big decision only to have their expectations crushed by hard realities once a child is home. But there are some things I just can’t share on here. What I want you to know is that I am always completely honest and forthcoming in personal emails and conversations. So if you have questions or want to know more details, you are more than welcome to email me or ask me in person.

And now, in the spirit of openness, I will share my answer to a commonly asked question because this is something I would honestly answer Caroline down the road. I received this question often this past weekend. The question is whether I feel the same way toward Caroline as I do toward Carter and Grace. Another phrasing of the inquiry is if it’s harder to bond with an older child. The respective answers are no and yes.

Because I don’t have the physical bonding with Caroline that you naturally have with a baby or toddler, connections take longer. And because she’s not yet ready to let her emotional walls down, we rarely connect on a deep level. Not to say that my comments or notes to her don’t plant seeds deep in her soul…I hope they do and will bring forth healing and trust in time. But in conversation, there is not much intimacy from my 13-year-old. Part of that is normal for a teenager. But the disadvantage is not having a foundation with her that stems from knowing her throughout her whole childhood. So while I have love for her and sometimes feel an abundance of affection or tenderness, I know we have a way to go to develop the same intense love I feel for Carter and Grace. Older children have more baggage, more expectations, and the ability to hold grudges. Add in their eye-rolling and aggravated glares, and you don’t exactly feel like you’re winning “Mom of the Year” despite all the sacrifices you’re making on their behalf.

With Grace, it was an instantaneous love. She quickly bonded to me, wanted to be in my arms, and graced my cheeks with her sweet kisses morning after morning. Because Carter had been going through a stage in which he was all about Daddy and not so much about Mommy, I treasured the fact that Grace needed me and wanted me. Maybe that made my love conditional…I don’t know. But the reality was that Grace made it easy to love her. This is not always the case for adoptive moms, just as moms will sometimes share that the arrival of their 2nd biological child brought a discrepancy in emotions. So if you’ve recently adopted and don’t yet feel a strong bond to him or her, or if you’re beating yourself up because you still feel like you love your biological kids more, allow yourself some grace and some time. The bonding develops and the love grows. For Caroline and myself, we have a long road to travel. I doubt she would tell you right now that she loves me. But a great sign of hope came Sunday when I arrived home from the retreat. She walked toward me to hug me and said, “Mommy! I missed you.” This was HUGE coming from her, and I was thrilled that she felt willing to share that. While our love is growing for each other, we share many fun moments and times of enjoying each other’s company. And for now, I’m grateful for the steps forward we’ve made.

Adoption is making a choice to love a child (and even all the unlovable qualities that might come with them!) even when you don’t feel your heart bursting. I’ve learned more about Christ’s love in the past few months than I’ve ever known before. I truly understand unconditional love (but struggle with it) and pray daily for God to fill me with it so I can pour out to all three of my children. But when the emotion and power of love isn’t flowing through your veins, it’s hard. I get it. Don’t get too discouraged. Know that thousands of moms have experienced this same journey. And we’re all in this together. Be honest with yourself in how you’re feeling. And since we don’t always feel comfortable being so honest on our blogs, at least find a friend or fellow mom to share with. I hope you will feel validated and encouraged.

P.S. On a funny note regarding (un)conditional love, Carter came to me this morning with a huge hug and the statement, “You’re the best mom ever!” My heart melted as he pressed his cheek to mine. I should have let the moment pass with bliss, but I had to inquire, “Awe, thanks honey! Why do you say that?” Carter replied, “Because I asked for more animal crackers and you gave them to me.” I sighed and explained that even when I don’t give him what he wants, I still love him and do this in his best interest. So even then, he should still think of me as the “best mom ever.” I don’t think he bought it.
January22nd

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A Literary Blitz and House Projects

Posted in: Home and Family, Reading and Writing

I introduced you to my new blog site and then abandoned you, didn’t I? I had good reasons. I promise. Like devouring all 3 books of The Hunger Games trilogy in 5 days (plus another 3 books I’ve been wanting to read.) And planning Carter’s 4th birthday party. And redecorating Grace’s room which is now shared with Carter. But alas, I know you don’t want my excuses. So I’ll just give you the updates.

First of all, some book recommendations. A few weeks ago, I finished Stella Gibbon’s novel Cold Comfort Farm. It’s light, humorous (as in giggle out loud funny), and endearing. It was published in 1932 but was made into a movie somewhat recently. I can’t wait to see how the characters are portrayed in film! If you want an “easy” and uplifting read, pick up this novel.

I mentioned The Grace Effect in my giveaway post. It’s exploration of Ukraine and the result of societies dominated by communism and without (authentic) Christian influence, along with the narratives of his adoption of daughter Sasha, were difficult to read and enlightening at the same time. Ironically, I was reading it alongside Francis Collins’ The Language of God which also offered apologetics and inspired me to understand my faith and convictions in more grounded, practical, and logical ways… which in turn strengthened my beliefs.

Enter The Hunger Games which begins with a post-America totalitarian government and a people virtually without hope. I recognized the unintentional theme in my reading and gave some time to putting together a big picture of God and the world. It’s easy to take our faith for granted when God is allowed to be a part of our lives. Picturing my life without religious freedom, and thinking of the dread that a communist or totalitarian government would bring, I realized how thankful I am to be an American.

And back to this intense and page-turning trilogy…I could not put it down! I have since gotten Scott hooked. After I finished the last book, I had become so invested in the characters that I remained in a Panem daze for a couple of days before I was able to snap back into reality. Believe the hype…read these books! They also offer a mature and realistic perspective on love, as opposed to so many current books which convey love as selfish and lust-based. The first movie comes out in just a few weeks. Who’s going to see it??

Are you wondering how I found time to read so many books this past month? Well, let’s just say that I had a messy house and piles of laundry to tackle when I finished my literary blitz. With energy coming back in my 2nd trimester, I guess I felt the need to catch up on all the reading I slept through over the last few months. It was quite enjoyable. And my husband was quite patient with my lack of domestic productivity.

On to house projects. While we’re planning to begin an addition soon (we’ve decided we may wait to get our lot sold first), there is no way the nursery would be ready before June 16th. And Carter had reached his wit’s end regarding his teeny tiny room. In fact, for the past few weeks, he hasn’t even slept in there but preferred to sleep in Grace’s room. Scott and I had discussed having the “littles” share a room and making Carter’s room into a nursery, but I was intimidated by the costs and vision for redecorating a coed room.

Then I made a great discovery! After finding this picture on Pinterest…and drooling over these striped drapes, I visited the blog which had posted the photo. I found a talented decorator from Texas who provides internet consultations using inspiration boards for a very reasonable cost! Here are two examples of her boards:

I had to send her room measurements, color ideas and dislikes, photos, pics of furniture staying in the room, whether I like DIY projects, etc. And then I could pick which level for her to shop in (ie. Low end=Target and Overstock; Medium end= Home Decorators Collection, West Elm; High end= Restoration Hardware, Layla Grace). I told her a blend since I have expensive tastes but love to accessorize with lamps from Target, etc.

Amanda would email back and forth with questions and ideas, and then she put together a virtual room via inspiration board. She also sends links to purchase all the items. Many items she found for me, such as lamps, drapes, and wall prints, are from Target or Etsy. We bought Serena and Lily bedding but even got it discounted from a local store. This help was just what I needed to get a vision for the room and then save time by buying what I wanted/needed instead of spending hours shopping and searching and ultimately overspending.

I’ll post pictures when the room is completed, but I’m waiting on everything to arrive. A hint of what’s to come…the color scheme is navy, chartreuse green, and coral (with most of the coral being on Grace’s side.) And we ordered these beds from Restoration Hardware since Carter has been begging for bunk beds. They’ll be separated into twin beds for at least another year, but Carter is satisfied just to know they’re coming.

I can’t wait to see the room completed. And the kids are beside themselves with excitement. I’m also pumped to have a little place for the baby. We were going to just put the crib in our room, but that’s no fun to not have a place for baby’s clothes, decor, and fun items. After all, this is my last chance to enjoy a nursery. I’ll post pics of it too when done.

I’m off to apply a second coat of white paint to Carter’s dresser. Hope you’ve had a great weekend!
January2nd

6 Comments

Treasuring Traditions

Posted in: Faith and Living, Home and Family, Reading and Writing

Call me sentimental. Or old-fashioned. Or perhaps habitual. The simple truth is… I’m a lover of traditions.

Many traditions are tied to holidays or special occasions. So as our first Christmas and New Year’s Day with a child approached in 2008, I suddenly felt pressure to nail down the practices we would hold for years to come. For some reason, I thought I had to have it all figured out from the get-go. Adding to some family traditions which Scott and I had celebrated since our childhoods, we had begun to establish some new traditions after we married. Scott assured me that we could add in family customs throughout the years. After all, would our 11-month-old even recall his first experience of traditions? And isn’t it fun to discover and establish new rituals throughout the years?

Reading through Noel Piper’s beautiful and practical book Treasuring God in Our Traditions (a book that I return to often for ideas, direction, and encouragement), I was reminded that “our celebrations are occasions to look back and remember what God has done in the world and in our lives.” (Piper, p.64) Piper, wife of renowned author and pastor John Piper, also shares this great quote from Milo Shannon-Thornberry: “Celebrations are the ritualized interruptions in the continuum of daily life which remind us who we are, where we came from and where we are going.”

Now that our children are at ages where they can understand, communicate, and contribute, new traditions have been springing up. And it’s so much fun! Ever since getting married, Scott and I have entered each new year with a planning retreat. Well, I say “retreat” with a liberal meaning. The first two years, we got away for a couple of nights to do our planning and evaluating. During the last couple of years, our “retreats” occur on our living room couch after the kids have fallen asleep.

We originally got the idea from our pastor and his wife who have been doing this same planning every year. They even shared a basic outline of topics they discuss and evaluate. Scott and I elaborated on the outline and have covered everything from dietary/health goals to financial plans for the next year to marital goals. We not only establish goals together but also make lists of our personal hopes and plans. For example, I often make a list of books I want to read. Or hobbies I want to pursue. Friendships I want to rekindle. Or habits I want to build. We generally cover these topics: health/physical, marital, family, spiritual/ministry, career, hobbies, social, personal, and financial.

Making a list of anticipated expenses, whether in housing repairs or vacations, we are able to prioritize which item needs attention first. So we end up being on the same page when those expenses come down the pipeline. We’ve made goals of weekly or monthly dates, reading a marriage book each year, and other relational issues. (And I bet all you parents of young children can guess which topic we annually address and vow to give time and intention to! ) We’ve even included goals as silly as vowing to eat a green vegetable at least twice a week (we just aren’t vegetable lovers).

I’ve never really been one for making resolutions. But our planning retreats are helpful in leading us to reevaluate our desires and plans vs our actual activities and pursuits. We know that we will fall short of our goals and lists, but putting them on paper helps us be more intentional. And it’s always fun to look back on past planning lists and see how God has worked. Last year, I smiled as I reviewed some of our dreams from years past. From completed adoptions to my first published article, I giggled at the fulfilled plans which once had seemed like distant possibilities. We have some plans and goals which remain constants every year, but reviewing them reminds us that they are priorities.

Yesterday, in celebration of the new year, we sat down with our kids to help them determine their own goals and plans for 2012. Carter’s top two goals were: (1) to learn how to fight bad guys, and (2) to not be scared when the toilet flushes! He also decided he wanted to learn how to read a book all by himself. Caroline hopes to study ballet, master English, and win Super Mario Kart on the Wii. Grace declared she would be potty-trained, learn more ballet, and learn how to write her alphabet. Their plans are not deep or even remotely spiritual. In an effort to divert them from focusing solely on themselves, we encouraged them to set a goal of memorizing a new Bible verse each month and to find a project to serve the community. But it’s a start. Next year on New Year’s Day, we can whip out the list and see what they have accomplished. I also hope that they will take this tradition as an opportunity to trace what God has done in their lives and the community throughout each year.

I have to confess that I failed my parents yesterday in not carrying out their own tradition of years past…making black-eyed peas and rice on January 1st. But I must remind myself, it’s never too late to start a new tradition or bring back an old one.

I’d love to hear what traditions you celebrate with your own families. I should have posted this before New Year’s to garner ideas for this holiday, but we can print them and save them for 2013. Whether it’s rituals for birthdays, Easter, Advent, or any other holiday/occasion, feel free to share how you make the celebrations special.

Happy 2012!
January1st

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Happy New Year, and Winners Announced!

Posted in: Uncategorized

I hope everyone has enjoyed the day. There is something refreshing and invigorating about the first day of a new year.

I loved reading all of your comments in the giveaway post! It was funny to see that the Charlotte Mason quote (“…let the mother go out to play”) overwhelmingly won as the fave. I guess we all know what a popular New Year’s resolution will be. I also enjoyed reading the quotes that some of you shared.

Numbering the entries (some people had more than one), I then used the Random Number Generator to select the 3 winners of the giveaway. And here they are!

Winner of custom monogrammed and appliqued shirt or burpcloth…… Dana of www.sheheanefamily.blogspot.com!

Winner of The Grace Effect autographed by Larry Taunton……..Michelle Long!

Winner of Interior Wisdom by Leah Richardson……..Erika of www.waitinginChina.com!

Congrats to the winners! I’ll be back tomorrow with more thoughts on the New Year. Sweet dreams!